Posted by in My Sage Girl


I haven’t been on this in forever & I’m kicking myself over it (no, not because there is a BILLION spam posts, though that would attribute to my self-infliction).

SO much has gone on in little miss Sagie Sue’s life (Kacey, I find myself calling her that on the DAILY now. HAHA)— & FYI, her middle name is Emi— That I’m hoping I can remember everything and the feelings that were attached to these events! I’ve turned into the WORST “record  keeper” since graduating high school… was that 8 years ago? or 9 now? Gosh dang-it, I’m getting old. Totally off topic here, but I read this randomly posted list of 17 things you’re realizing now if you were born in the 90′s (or something like that) and the ONE THING on there that I had NEVER EVEN THOUGHT OF BEFORE was number 1. Yup. The very, freaking, first one on there. It said:

1. The realization that the next incoming high school freshmen were born in the 2000′s, meaning the high school reign of 90′s babies is over… and that we’re… old…

Sometimes it blows my mind when I ask someone who has just graduated out of high school, how old they are (& I shouldn’t even have to ask, but somehow being old makes your forget things you should know already) and they respond “Eight-Teen!” In their little high-pitched baby voices. It really freaks me out for some reason… EVERY TIME.

Even weirder, while working yesterday, I overheard my customers daughter say she was born in 2002. She was old enough to know how to have normal face to face interactions with people and how to do intermediate troubleshooting on a cell phone. Where is the time going!? I pictured myself going into the back room and just ending my life in 20 different scenarios. WE ALL DIE ANYWAY.

Anyway, back on topic. You guys should know that as I am typing this out, Sage is sitting in her chair next to me trying to push (what looks like) the biggest poop of her life, out. I love how (in children wearing diapers still) it’s SO obvious to tell when they are doin’ “business”. They get so silent— with occasional grunting— and so still. Like, if they were making a cute smiley face, it would be a picture perfect moment… and one of the only! Because, let’s be honest, when do kids EVER sit still for pictures? Unless mom is slapping them upside the head and threatening to take the 3DS & all of their birthdays for the rest of their lives away. But really, when they are pooping, it’s like they don’t have a choice… like their free will was taken from them in that moment or something. Still, I am pretty impressed kids can poop standing straight up. I feel like that would be a hard thing to do.

It would probably be easiest to bullet point everything that happened in 2014 since I last wrote anything. Halloween was amazing! I got to go trick-or-treating with my baby girl & my friend Emily and her husband Rod & their baby girl— who is not so much a baby anymore. Unfortunately Sage quickly got sick of her Carter’s cat costume and the whole idea and repetitiveness of fishing for candy… so was quick to express her feelings with a tsunami of throw-up that covered me. Trick-or-treating ended 5 houses in. Was it worth it? It was for me, but Sage might say differently. Then again, who knows? Sometimes I think she thinks it’s funny to throw up on me. I think Sage is really a bird.

Man, It has seriously been over a year since my last post. Let me back track really quickly here. I am currently a single mommy. Things were just not fairy-tale with my ex husband. Actually, scratch that. I don’t expect marriage to be ANYTHING like a fairy-tale. We both just wanted completely different things in life and no matter how much counselling we went to or how many fights we endured together, there finally just came a time when it was too much. I don’t believe in divorce. & even now as I sit here being divorced myself, I still do not believe in divorce. Hypocritical as that is, I am a strong believer in that if something is broken, you don’t throw it away; you fix it. I’m not saying that my ex husband was the only one wrong. I’m not saying he’s the only one who wanted this… but I believe that both parties have to be fully invested in fixing the relationship (at all costs) if any change is going to happen— and we just did not have that. Divorce is always an unfortunate thing, but I am 100% certain that everything happens for a reason and though difficult to see at times, this divorce has opened up grander doors for the both of us. Sage, of course (& always), has been such a blessing in both of our lives. She’s the sun shining through all of the dark rain clouds & the smile in a room full of tears. She keeps me going in this life. I am SO lucky.

Staying on topic with Sage here… my daughter is TWO YEARS OLD!!! What!? Sage turns three in October this year (2 more months) and will be starting pre-school in November. I HAVE A PRE-SCHOOLER. I, in the most literal way possible, have been freaking out. Actually, I take back the part where I said ‘in the most literal way’. I just looked it up. Don’t look it up. You know how parents joke and say things like “Heh heh, yeah, our little girl is two turning 16″ and think they are so funny? Well Sage is two goin’ on 40 and I’m not even kidding about that. I swear she is more mature than I am at time, and much wiser. It makes me feel inferior being in her presence at times. HAHA! Anyway, Sage has grown SO much! Her personality shines through her more and more every day. She is so beautiful, guys. Her spirit is so pure and innocent, you can feel it. People think that having a special needs child is so hard. I get a lot of “I’m so sorry” and “that must be so hard” and “how do you do it?” from a lot of people. I know they have good intentions. But guys! Don’t be sorry! Sage is one of God’s most cherished and special spirits! I could only try my hardest to be like her— and even then, my hardest isn’t good enough. She came to me to set an example to myself and everyone she comes in contact with. Having to do “hard things” suddenly becomes easy when you are serving one of gods purest spirits. HA, who am I even kidding? She’s doing me a service by existing. I love it so much!

This post is ALL OVER THE PLACE. I guess that’s what happens when you’d rather play Call of Duty on the nights that you don’t have baby girl and also have no friends, HAHA. My family is moving to Japan. Well, half of them have already done so. Yup! I was just skipping around my house one random night when my dad called me in.

Picture for me the most happiest thing in the world. Okay, now picture that getting blown up by 50 predator missiles.

I have only felt this way twice in my life. *Spoiler alert* Once when I was told that Santa Clause wasn’t real & in the same day was told that the Easter Bunny was also not real… and then that one time I was skipping (like mentioned before) and was told in the most upbeat voice EVER that my whole family was moving to Japan! When? Oh, just a month after I was notified of this massive, life changing event. No big. Apparently it was as big of news to them as waking up in the morning was for them. I remember just sitting there in total shock. I think I actually said something like “HAHA, yeah, that’ll happen. Just like moving to Chicago happened.” word vomit. I don’t mean to be rude, but sometimes things just come out… I was SO upset about it and instantly stressed. I was being completely selfish. How long do you think it has been since my mom has been able to live in Japan and be around HER parents? It’s been a good 20 years. I’m around my parents STILL. How could I be so mean and rude and selfish and complain about her wanting to live in Japan to be with her parents in their old age? Sometimes I feel like someone just needs to drop a bowling ball on my head or give me shock treatment. That may do the trick!

I hate getting old. Honestly, I want to be married again. I want a family. I want more kids. I WANT MORE KIDS. Hahaha, even though it’s the truth, that is hilariously the most inaccurate statement to the person I have been most of my life. I never even wanted kids. In fact, I completely disliked kids and even the idea of having one of my own use to make me cringe. I was never one of those girls that just loved babysitting. I hated it. I never played with dolls or barbies; Just would rip their heads off and throw them on the roof or down the gutter. I never was the girl who would gush over your new baby or thought it was cute. To be honest, newborns look like little aliens, and it’s weird… But something changed inside me when I had Sage. Now I see how special and sweet these little kids are— in all of their craziness and gross, crusty face. They are our link to our Heavenly Father. How very sweet that is. Being a mom has seriously changed me. Sometimes I’m not so sure that I like it. I feel… like I’ve let down my walls and I am vulnerable. But I think it’s good to be vulnerable when you have children— so that you may learn, grow, and strive to be better with them and by their side. But also maybe I have no idea what I am talking about, which probably is the more likely. HAHAHA

My fingers are about to fall off. I’m only about half way done with all that I have to say. GOOD THING I HAVE SO MUCH FLIPPIN TIME! Till later.